Will we run out of toilet paper again?
It's a "scramble against time" as workers struggle to free a cargo ship that ran aground in the Suez Canal. Get live updates on the poor ship, it's hapless crew -- and the hundreds of other cargo vessels backed up around the canal - with our continually updated online tracker.
Superstitious loons now wearing face masks outdoors too
Are you going to die from COVID-19?
Campus Security Blotter
Week ending December 12, 2020
Some rando remarked that he doesn’t really like Asian food. Caller wants him dealt with.
Someone near ANDREWS said “black squirrel”. Units dispatched.
Raccoon in dumpster. Trash too low for it to climb out. Caller is no longer on scene.
“TRUMP 2020” sign on WAYNE faces campus. Caller wants it removed.
“Drinking at a house on Stibbs and no social distancing involved” is all caller said before hanging up.
Caller needs ride to Best Buy to research harmful stereo types.
RURAL LIVES MATTER
Screeching harpy at Rural King threatens customers with police brutality
Dining in Wooster
Wooster has both good and bad dining options, but you’re not going to find either here. All restaurateurs in town are slavishly obeying Ohio’s unlawful and arbitrary lockdown and mask-up orders, so we can’t support them. (Actually we can, but we won’t.)
Shopping in Wooster
Shops in Wooster require patrons to wear masks on their faces just to enter. This has had the plainly predictable effect of teaching people how easy and convenient it is to shop at Amazon.com, Walmart.com and eBay.com instead. It’s hard to watch people being willfully self-destructive. Why don’t you go shop in Amish Country this weekend?
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Fun things to do in Wooster
Please try again later. We can’t find anything you can do for fun in Wooster, outside of your own home, where you aren’t required to wear a mask and to pretend that you’re doing something important to stop the spread of a virus that has a 99.6% survival rate.
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DIRECT FROM OHIO AMISH COUNTRY
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