Will we run out of toilet paper again?

It's a "scramble against time" as workers struggle to free a cargo ship that ran aground in the Suez Canal. Get live updates on the poor ship, it's hapless crew -- and the hundreds of other cargo vessels backed up around the canal - with our continually updated online tracker.

Superstitious loons now wearing face masks outdoors too

Are you going to die from COVID-19?

College of Wokester Bulletin

Lightning Climate Change kills 200 year old black oak tree on campus

Someone in Oak Grove said "black squirrel". Units dispatched.

Student needs ride to Best Buy to examine harmful stereo types. 

"Local person" is waiting for bus at LOWRY. Caller just wants him moved along.

Raccoon stuck in dumpster (LOWRY). Trash too low for it to get out.


What did you do during the Great Pandemic of 2020?


Area Man plans to violate Ohio's curfew for all "21 days"


Screeching harpy at Rural King threatens customers with police brutality

Dining in Wooster

Wooster has both good and bad dining options, but you’re not going to find either here.  All restaurateurs in town are slavishly obeying Ohio’s unlawful and arbitrary lockdown and mask-up orders, so we can’t support them.  (Actually we can, but we won’t.) 

Shopping in Wooster

Shops in Wooster require patrons to wear masks on their faces just to enter.  This has had the plainly predictable effect of teaching people how easy and convenient it is to shop at Amazon.com, Walmart.com and eBay.com instead.  It’s hard to watch people being willfully self-destructive.  Why don’t you go shop in Amish Country this weekend?



Fun things to do in Wooster

Please try again later.  We can’t find anything you can do for fun in Wooster, outside of your own home, where you aren’t required to wear a mask and to pretend that you’re doing something important to stop the spread of a virus that has a 99.6% survival rate. 

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