BETTER DEAD THAN MASKED

DAY 23 of "21 Days"

EVENING - Dec. 11, 2020 17:55

I stayed out past 10:00 p.m. to violate the curfew order again. 

I last wore a mask when I was about 11 years old and went to beg candy from my neighbors on Halloween.  I haven’t done either thing since. 

I know one other man who doesn’t wear a mask.  We’ve spoken about it and his reasons reduce to the same base that mine do.  And even though we’re on the same team and respect each other, each thinks the other will quit first.      

Privately, I know that we’ll both fail eventually because no one will join us.  Two men can’t defy all other men and all women for very long.  That’s just too many snitches and bitches.  I think we need better rhetoric on our side.  

So today I joined an organization that has no official membership list, and no hierarchy of leadership.  It’s name is “AntiRa” which is short for “Anti-Racist” and our sole mission is to fight racism.  All who oppose us are therefore racists.  

I do not wear a mask because masks are for people who are pretending to be in the Ku Klux Klan, and for fascists. 

ELEVENTY THOUSAND

DAY 22 of "21 Days"

EVENING - Dec. 10, 2020 17:55

I walked my dog early tonight.  When I came in and saw the clock, I realized it was only a minute past 10:00.  I am a try-hard kind of guy who never lies, so I immediately went back out for a few minutes to ensure that I’d disobeyed the curfew order in a willful manner. 

While out there the first time, I ordered my dog to take extra care to inspect every bush and pile of leaves we encountered.  We didn’t find evidence that “The Covid” is hiding anywhere on our usual route.  I have no symptoms of any infection, but others do.  Thus I know it must be out here, or else we wouldn’t have been ordered to stay indoors at night.  That’s how logic works, I know it.

DeWine’s 21-day curfew order is still in force 22 days later.  Since 21 days have passed since November 18, he still has the power to issue orders and no one dares to resist them, he issued a new order to last 23 days until January 2.  That’s how logic works, and you know it.

I moved back to Wooster because there are worse places to live and you can get stuck in one of them, like an animal in a leg-hold trap, and you’ll have to chew off your own leg to get free again. When you do, almost any place looks better than being in a trap does.  I like living here but, with only handful of exceptions, the people here disappoint me.

I didn’t see one person outdoors tonight. This made me feel weird so I called a friend and asked him if he could hear my voice and tell me if I was still in the real world.  He said “You tell me.  I’m standing here alone with one cook in the back, waiting until 10:00 in case someone calls for carryout.”  If I had called his restaurant at 9:30 on any night in last December I wouldn’t have gotten through.  

Each day I look for reports from other places to learn how their people are managing the lockdown.  I saw yesterday that Coshocton has more cases than they can count.

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SILENT RUNNING

DAY 21 of "21 Days"

AFTERNOON - Dec. 9, 2020 17:55

Today is Day 21 of your governor’s curfew order that was to last for 21 days.  I have violated it every night since November 19th, but I have shirked my duty to write about it here. 

I didn’t believe that this would last for 21 days so I lost interest. I think differently now. 

One of the things I did instead of writing here, was to travel to spend time with my family for our annual Thanksgiving Day feast.  This was an illegal gathering of people from multiple households at one house for several days and nights.  Three generations of people attend it every year, and it has become more like a family reunion a dinner.   

Even when I was there I stayed out, or went out, each night to violate the curfew.  Some nights I came home too early and had to get dressed again to go out in the cold for long enough to not appear to be merely taking out the trash.  This is pointless if I’m not caught and prosecuted, so I have to give my fellows a chance to snitch on me.   

When I smoked cigarettes I used go outside every night to do it. It was a nuisance then too.  Now that I vape I can do so indoors and standing outdoors in the cold inhaling delicious and invigorating blueberry-flavored nicotine makes me feel like I’m retarded.  And I’m sure I look that way too. 

But I do so anyway, and here’s why.  At the feast I noticed that all the kids in the third generation share common character traits.  All are very dutiful to their parents and elder relatives, and all are impressionable.

The eldest two are men now, and if I know anything about how young men think and behave then it won’t be many more feasts hence before our reunion encompasses four generations of people. 

One day my grandchildren may ask me what I did during the Great Pandemic of 2020 and 2021?  How did I get through it?  I thought of a few things I might tell them, and decided what my truthful answer on that day shall be.  

In ten years or so many of you will hear that question too.  I don’t care what your answer turns out to be, but I think that you may enjoy the process of considering each choice I saw and determining in advance what your answer will be.  

I formed the question into a poll and posted it here.  Answer it your way. 

Most bloggers do two things:  Boast and scold.  I don’t do either, nor do I collect your IP address when you answer that poll. 

Son of a Preacher Man

DAY 5 of "21 Days"

MORNING - Nov. 23, 2020 08:42

I got home well before 10:00 p.m. last night, but as soon as I realized it I went out again at about 10:15.  That was deliberate, but I don’t consider it to be flagrant. I didn’t see anyone and I don’t think anyone saw me. 

I am completely asymptomatic this morning, though I understand that it is still possible to spread contempt for unjust authority to others and I am hopeful.

A Churchian neighbor invited me to stop for a beer in his garage as I walked the dog by it.  He told me his reading of Paul shows clearly that Christ wants us to submit to the governor and to obey the laws of the land we reside in, and that’s what he and his family would do.  

I left convinced that his church’s doctrine is correct:  No Baptist should ever drink alcohol

TAKE A VOW

DAY 4 of "21 Days"

AFTERNOON - Nov. 22, 2020 13:36

I got home last night some time after the 22:00 curfew.  This should be excusable because I was exercising a dog while foraging for eggs, loaves of sliced bread, and a substitute for butter.  But I wasn’t wearing a mask so I was in the grey area between being cited and fined $750.00 and not giving a damn. 

This morning the DHG and I went to Walmart.  She said she would wait in the car because she wasn’t wearing a bra.  I said that the Order doesn’t require you to, and you’re wearing two shirts, a hoodie and a scarf.  She still said “No thanks”.

As far as I could tell no one else in the store was unmasked, but a majority wore masks and left their noses or part of their mouths exposed.  I guess it was to breath properly.  No one hassled me there.  

My bundled but un-bodiced belle drove me to another store for other supplies.  I wasn’t hassled to wear a mask there either.  So I tried one more: a grocery store named Buehler’s located downtown. 

As soon as I walked in an enormous female land whale in a mask screamed “SIR!” at me.  I had a plan in mind, and reacted as if I didn’t hear her and went forward.

I heard her heavy footsteps pounding the tiles and I’ve been pursued by land whales before.  They take a while to attain their top speed and can’t change directions quickly.  I walked down one aisle, up another, and down the next to gain some separation from her.  

That only works for so long because they hunt by following your scent through the air.  You can outwit an individual, but if she recruits the entire local pod then you’re a goner.  Your best chance is to go to the bakery section and let your scent be camouflaged by the scent of pastries.  If you can get there, stand still and make no sound at all, then you might survive. 

I almost didn’t. I spotted some beef femurs in a freezer case and slowed down to snatch them up and take them home to my dog. That’s where she caught me.  She screamed at me, and I swear to God that I don’t know why they have to start by screaming – or scream at all. 

“YOU HAVE TO WEAR A MASK IN HERE OR YOU HAVE TO LEAVE!!!”

I have been screamed at twice in the past dew days for similar reasons, so my plan was to make this one think I was deaf.  The sticking point is that I don’t know any American Sign Language, only a little Baby Sign Language. 

I flashed “I have to poop” at her in BSL and muttered some gibberish that made me sound more like I had a cleft palate than a hearing impairment.  I regretted that right away, so I flashed “I have to poop” again, turned and walked to the dairy section.  I didn’t hear her following me. 

This area is No Man’s Land even during normal times and I grabbed what I needed quickly and got out.  Land whales cruise in predictable paths when not stressed and I spotted her again before she found me.

I heard her telling a two-way radio that “We have a customer refusing to wear a mask. No. We’re in Dairy now.”

That was a damned lie and I hate injustices but you can’t let them form hunting pods, as I said.  I just went to the front.  

The alpha female is older and much more cunning.  She had donned a sweater that covered her name tag and acted like she was shopping.  In fact, she isn’t even fat.  She was stationed by the bakery section as I cruised by her and said “Good Morning” to me as I went by.  I fell for it and returned the greeting.

She caught me jamming money into the self-checkout machine as fast as I could in order to create a binding transaction that she couldn’t rescind to take away my dog’s bones.  She tried to hand me a mask and I pretended to be unable to extend my loose arm.  She didn’t scream.    

“You don’t have to take this but if you’re not wearing a mask the next time then you can’t come in here,” she only said.

The next time I go in there I will wear “a mask” and I will let you know how it goes.  

NAME

DAY 3 of "21 Days"

AFTERNOON - Nov. 21, 2020 12:41

If I have to have a Goo Goo Dolls song stuck in my head for a whole day then you do too. We’re all in this together.

Who I am and what my name is are not important questions.  It shall suffice to declare that I am an extremely handsome and modest nobody who knows how to start a blog.

I can almost not believe what I’m seeing out there. People are doing manifestly stupid things under the rubrics of “health” and “safety” and they’re being self-righteous about forcing others to do likewise.

A friend tells me that reading this is like reading Anne Frank’s diary with funny twists thrown in for comic relief. 

This is not like that at all.  I am the actual author of this material.  I’m writing all of it myself, and everything I describe is actually happening contemporaneously.

My symptoms this morning were dismay and pessimism, but they’re sliding over toward the disinterest end of the spectrum.  And I won’t tell no one your name. 

 

A TIRED SONG KEEPS PLAYING

DAY 2 of "21 Days"

EVENING - Nov. 20, 2020 22:06

I just got in. 

Truth be told, I wouldn’t have broken curfew tonight if I hadn’t stopped to get water for my dog.  I’m a victim.  

I won’t name the place where I stopped because I don’t want to.  The gal who works here on most nights wears a name tag displaying “IRIS”.  I asked if her mother named her after the Goo Goo Dolls song.  

She said, “YES! And the flower…” 

I braced for it, but she didn’t add “as well” where good people just say “too”.  

She’s good people so I asked her if when that song comes on and you’re not in position to turn it off right away, doesn’t it sound like it’s about a gal who’s on her period?  She laughed and said, “SHUT UP!  You’ve just ruined it for me.” She didn’t charge me for the cup of ice I wanted for my dog because I’m right.     

It’s about a mile walk to home from there.  At a bird dog’s pace (three steps, ten sniffs,) it takes half an hour so I’m an outlaw now. 

You can see a long way across the southeastern part of town when you’re trespassing through the golf course.  Nothing seems to move now that all the leaves are gone, and coyotes yip somewhere in the distance, like in those corny establishing shots in western outlaw movies. 

My symptoms tonight are lethargy, drowsiness. and thirst (mainly for whiskey).  I have a sore back, and I don’t want the world to see me because I don’t think that they’d understand.  

MORNING - Nov. 20, 2020 11:00

When I awoke this morning I had the same symptoms I reported last night after carelessly breaking the curfew rules.  It’s about twelve hours later now and I believe that I have two new symptoms: hunger and irritability.

I realize that I have switched from past to present tense, but I’m not sure exactly when it happened or what to do about it.  I think they call this symptom “confusion”.  So three new symptoms now.

I gave my best effort to endure the hunger pangs, but I gave up and ate something at about 07:45. That seemed to cure it though I’m not sure how long that will work.

I sat down and began to perform some work. My confusion lifted almost right away, but I don’t think that means much given that I’m still experiencing mild thirst and I feel like I’m getting hungry again.

SAVE A PRAYER

DAY 1 of "21 Days"

EVENING - Nov. 19, 2020

I didn’t get home until just after curfew at 22:09. It’s devastating to know that you can contract this thing just by walking around outdoors with your dog.

I’m feeling sleepy, a little thirsty, and the need to urinate. This is a lot like I felt at 06:30, actually, but I understand it can get a lot worse very quickly and I’m on guard.

My neighbor, Gil The Great, caught this merciless virus three weeks ago. He’s 73 and squarely in the high-risk group.

His doctor told him at diagnosis to go home and rest, and if he felt really bad to go to the E.R. He said he felt bad a few days later and went there, but they told him that since he didn’t have any respiratory trouble that they couldn’t admit him. They gave him no therapy at all.

He’s completely recovered now. He said he’s lost ten pounds and he feels 20 years younger. If he was really 20 years younger, then he’d be six months older than I am now. I don’t want to lose six months of my life to this horrifying virus. Please keep me in your prayers.