I hadn’t been to the Hero House since I was almost arrested there six years ago. I had no intention to ever return. But I’ve missed their Cheesesteak Deluxe so much over the years that when I received this assignment my tongue got hard.
The Hero House is a revered local institution and a popular hangover remedy so I knew WooFun probably needed to go too. Badly.
We met at the Downtown Farmer’s Market where I grabbed a bouquet of fresh flowers for my girl, and a bottle of Ol’ Dirty Sheets’ Funky Kingston hot sauce . You should go to this event on Saturdays, because it’s fun.
We arrived at 10:30 and were greeted with a “go to hell” smile at the counter. I requested my beloved Cheesesteak Deluxe with “cheese and lettuce only” on a 7 1/2″ bun. Visibly fuming, the lady made me repeat myself carefully a couple of times, hammered “lettuce only” into the machine, and allowed me to add a small order of fried mushrooms and a drink.
WooFun started his order with a compliment on her Mello Yello t-shirt and asked for a Cheeseburger Sub. Her mood switched from “Hail Satan!” to “Nice Lady Next Door” in an instant and she just smiled when he said “no peppers”. She even told him that she usually only wears Victoria’s Secret, but not to work.
While they were flirting I went to wash my hands in the restroom. It was very clean, and had plenty of soap and paper towels by the sink. The entire place looks like it was decorated in the early 1980s, and I believe it was, but it is very clean. They have a rockin’ jukebox, and an old Galaga game against the back wall.
We waited only seven or eight minutes until she brought our food to our table. The subs were packed with toppings, and both had generous amounts of meat. They still seem to use government-issued bread that is dry and crumbly, but the steak, cheese, and lettuce were all very good. The fried mushrooms squirted hot ‘shroom juice in my mouth, but that was expected since I could still see the oil bubbling on the batter. The mushrooms were fried perfectly, and had a great crunch with nice seasoning. By the time we got up to leave at 11:30 the place was almost full. A few customers were sitting by the entrance waiting for carryout orders.
Another guy I spoke to this morning about my plans to go to Hero House for lunch just shook his head and said “I don’t know how they’re still in business.” This is how. We had a great lunch and a lot of laughs. I recommend you try Hero House again if you’ve given up on them like we had. 330-262-8166
FINAL GRADE: A-